


Come Back Home

by LibraryMage



Series: Break Your Chains [21]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Character, Autistic Ezra Bridger, Episode: s03e03 The Holocrons of Fate, Father-Son Relationship, Found Family, Gen, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 07:50:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13922652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: When Maul takes the crew hostage, Ezra is forced to return to a place he never thought he'd have to go back to.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> warning for: unnamed character death

The ship _felt_ like death.  It seeped out of every crack and crevice, surrounding Ezra, covering him and clinging to him like sweat on his skin.  His hand moved to his lightsaber as he crept forward, glancing momentarily over his shoulder at Kanan.

“Looks like there was one heck of a fight,” Ezra said, keeping his voice low, just in case.

“I can smell the carbon scoring,” Kanan said, his voice just as quiet as Ezra’s.

Ezra jumped, his heart skipping a beat as the droning _beep_ of a damaged astromech’s voice echoed through the lifeless ship.  It almost sounded like a distress call.  Ezra and Kanan followed the sound to a door that was jammed halfway open.  It took both of them to pry the door free of whatever was blocking it.  As they hesitantly stepped through the door, a quiet groan of pain met Ezra’s ears.  He leapt over a crate that blocked his path, feeling Kanan close behind him.  There, lying on the ground before them, was one of the rebellion’s soldiers, his hands pressed over a black, charred wound that sank deep into his abdomen.  It was longer and wider than a blaster wound.  The injury had come from a lightsaber.

“Are there any other survivors?” Kanan asked as he and Ezra knelt down beside the man.

“Don’t know,” the soldier gasped, his voice straining as he forced the words out.

“What happened?” Ezra asked.

“Red -- red blade,” the man said.  “After you.  Made me tell -- the _Ghost_ is in danger.”

Ezra felt Kanan’s hand come down on his shoulder, holding on tightly.

“Maul,” he said quietly.

“Or another Inquisitor,” Ezra said, silently hoping Kanan was wrong.

“We have to warn Hera,” Kanan said.  “Help me with him.”

Ezra took hold of one of the fallen rebel soldier’s arms, putting it around his shoulders as Kanan did the same on his other side.  Together, they hauled the man to his feet, carrying him between them as they made their way back toward the airlock where the other blockade runner had docked with this one.  As they carried him, Ezra could feel that flickering light inside him fading.  He didn’t have to say anything to know Kanan felt it, too.  He wasn’t going to make it.

When they got back to the ship that was still in one piece, they handed the man off to another soldier, who shuffled him off to…somewhere.  The ship didn’t have a real medbay.  For a moment, Ezra stared after them, only to be jolted out of it by Kanan’s hand on his shoulder.

“Come on,” Kanan said.  “They’re contacting Hera now.”

Ezra followed Kanan, grateful that his master hadn’t tried to tell him the other man would be alright.  They both knew he wouldn’t be.

As they stepped through the door onto the bridge, an image of Hera appeared.  Ezra breathed a quick sigh of relief as he saw that she was okay.  But after the first glance, he realized something wasn’t right.  There was something in the way Hera was standing, some type of tension.  And when she spoke, he knew for sure.  Something was wrong.

“Kanan,” Hera said, with just the faintest tremor in her voice.

“Someone’s after us,” Kanan said.  “I don’t know if it’s another Inquisitor or --”

“Kanan,” Hera said again.  “It’s not an Inquisitor.”

“No,” Ezra said quietly, his heart feeling like it was freezing over in his chest as Hera was pulled to the side and Maul stepped into view of the transmitter.

“Maul,” Ezra growled, “let them go.”

“I will,” Maul said, “but first I need something from you.”

“What do you want?” Kanan asked.

“You know what I want, Jedi,” Maul said.

“That’s not going to happen,” Kanan said, his hand coming down protectively on Ezra’s shoulder.

“If you want the rest of your crew to live, you will bring the boy to me,” Maul said.  “And the holocron he acquired on Malachor.”

“We don’t have it,” Kanan said.  Even under the mask, Ezra could practically see the furious glare in his eyes.

“How unfortunate,” Maul said.  He drew his lightsaber and ignited one of the blades, keeping his eyes fixed on Ezra.  “Because if that’s true, then your friends have no future.”

“Wait!” Ezra said.  “We have it, just not with us.”

“Ezra, don’t,” Kanan said, his hand tightening around Ezra’s shoulder.

“We don’t have a choice, Kanan,” Ezra said.  He could feel Kanan’s frustration and his frantic searching for a way out of the corner they were back into, but he knew that Kanan knew he was right.

“We’ll give you the holocron,” Kanan said, his voice hollow.  “As long as our friends remain safe.”

He was doing his best to keep it out of his voice, but Ezra could sense Kanan’s fear and the rage burning in his chest.  Ezra wasn’t sure he’d ever felt Kanan this angry before.

“Agreed,” Maul said.  “And one more thing.  Bring me your Jedi holocron as well.”

“Kanan, no,” Hera said.  Ezra could see Kanan’s hands twitch at the sound of her voice.

“Fine,” he said.

“Just tell us where,” Ezra said.  _Please, don’t hurt them._

“I already told you, Ezra,” Maul said.  “Just come home.”

As the transmission ended, Ezra felt like a heavy weight had settled over him and the air had been pulled from his lungs.

“I take it he doesn’t mean Lothal,” Kanan said.

“No,” Ezra said, his voice bitter.  He knew exactly where Maul wanted him to go, but first they had to go back to Atollon.

* * *

 

“You hid the Sith holocron out here?” Ezra asked as he stuck the sensor into the sand.  It looked like just another barren patch of desert to him, and, he noted with more than a little anxiety, another cave inhabited by krykna.

“More like I left it with someone,” Kanan said.

“Who?” Ezra asked, looking around the empty expanse of sand.

_Please don’t tell me you left it with the spiders,_ he thought.

Kanan walked forward, one hand outstretched like he was searching for something.

“Bendu?” he called.  “Are you here?”

“Who’s Bendu?” Ezra asked as he followed Kanan.  “There’s nothing here.”

“He _was_ here,” Kanan said.

“Maybe you’re just hearing things that aren’t there,” Ezra said, his nervous attempt at humor falling flat.

“Bendu, I need the holocron,” Kanan called.

“Kanan, I don’t see your friend,” Ezra said.

As he spoke, a loud, furious hissing sound filled the air as a krykna emerged from the cavern ahead of them and others began to descend from the ridge behind it.

“But I do see crawlers,” Ezra said, his hand flying to his lightsaber.  “Lots of them.”

He glanced toward where he’d left the sensor.  If it was malfunctioning, maybe he could fix it.  But it was nowhere to be found.  It had just vanished into thin air.

“Where’s our thumper?” he asked, taking a few steps back as the spiders closed in around them.

“If you stay calm, they won't attack,” Kanan said.

“Right,” Ezra said, drawing his lightsaber and activating the blade.  “Stay behind me.”

“Ezra, you’re making it worse,” Kanan said, his voice so calm and unconcerned it just scared Ezra more.  “It’s possible to get along with them.”

“I tried that, remember?” Ezra said, taking another step back and running into Kanan.  “They almost ripped my face off.”

The spiders drew closer, surrounding them from all sides.  There was nowhere to run and there were too many to fight off at once, even with two of them, and it didn’t seem like Kanan was even willing to hurt them.  As the spider directly in front of Ezra lunged forward, Ezra raised his lightsaber, only for the spider to freeze and back away.  Following its lead, the other spiders scattered as if something had scared them off.

“He’s here,” Kanan said.

“What?” Ezra asked looking back over his shoulder at Kanan.  As he spoke, to broken pieces of the sensor fell to the ground at his feet.

In front of him, one of the coral formations that littered the desert began to move.  At least, Ezra _thought_ it was a coral formation.  Apparently he was wrong.  Emerging from the sand, as if buried in it, was a creature Ezra had never seen anything like before.

“The Jedi returns,” the being -- Ezra assumed this had to be Bendu -- said.  “And with his student.  Perhaps for a talk?”

“I don’t believe it,” Ezra said, staring up at the being in awe.

“Unfortunately, we don’t have time to chat,” Kanan said, appearing completely unfazed by the giant being who’d just appeared from nowhere.  “We’ve come for the holocron.”

“Ah, yes,” Bendu said.  “The keeper of the shadow lore.  Why do you want it?”

Kanan turned to Ezra.

“Tell him,” he said.

“We need it to save our friends,” Ezra said.  “My -- my old master has them.  He wants the holocron in exchange for their lives.”

“I do not know this dark sider, but I know his kind,” Bendu said.  Ezra shifted nervously, not bothering to ask how Bendu knew.  “Why does he want it?”

“I don’t know,” Kanan said.  “But he also wants my Jedi holocron.”

“Oh,” Bendu said, clearly realizing what was happening.  “He would bring them together?  Such a vergence carries grave danger.”

“Why?” Ezra asked.  “I thought the holocrons were just libraries of information.”

“They are that and more,” Bendu said.  “If two such powerful sources of knowledge are united, they will grant a clarity of vision beyond your kind.”

“What does that mean?”

“When joined, any secret, wisdom, or destiny can be seen through the Force,” Bendu said.  “Once could bring much chaos with such hidden truths.”

“Well, we can't control what Maul will do,” Ezra said.

“That’s his point, Ezra,” Kanan said.

Ezra stared down at the ground.  The right answer was clear.  There was no telling what Maul would do with whatever information he gained from the holocrons, but their family’s lives were at stake.  He was ready to hand Maul that power, and himself, if it meant protecting them.

“Are you gonna give it back or not?” Ezra asked.

Bendu regarded him for a moment with eyes that Ezra was sure could see directly into his mind.

“The object you seek is a source of imbalance between you and your teacher,” Bendu said.  “If you want it, you must seek it out with him.”

“Where is it?” Ezra asked.

“Somewhere safe.”

Ezra turned around, following Bendu’s gaze to the opening of the cave behind him.

“Alright,” Ezra said.  “I’ll go, but I’m going alone.”

“The cave runs deep,” Bendu said.  “How can you be sure where it is now?”

Ezra didn’t think he’d have a problem with that.  From the moment he’d retrieved it on Malachor, the holocron had called to him, wanting him to open it.  He’d be able to find it again.

“I hear something,” Kanan said.

“If you listen, you can hear it,” Bendu said.

As Ezra walked toward the entrance to the cave, he felt something tugging at him.  He looked down just in time to see his lightsaber fly from his belt and into Kanan’s hand.

“I’ll hold onto this,” Kanan said.

“The spiders --”

“Will attack as soon as you turn it on,” Kanan said, cutting him off.  “Use your commlink instead.  I’ll try to guide you from here.”

“I’d rather have my lightsaber,” Ezra muttered as he took a hesitant step into the mouth of the cave.

The tunnel Ezra entered ran downward at an incline steep enough that he had trouble keeping his footing as he followed the twists and curves of the walls.  As he made his way deeper into the cave, he felt something fluttering in his chest.  He couldn’t tell if it was just his nerves or if he was sensing the spiders throughout the network of tunnels and caverns.

_“You need to go a level deeper.”_ Ezra jumped as the voice came through his commlink, sounding much louder in the quiet cave.  He’d almost forgotten that Kanan was going to guide him.

“Deeper?” Ezra asked.  “There’s no --”

He caught sight of a hole in the ground just a few feet ahead of him.

“Never mind,” he said.  “Found it.”

He crept forward, peering down through the hole, shining the small light built into his commlink through it as he looked for any signs of spiders nearby.  Seeing nothing, he quietly dropped through the hole into another tunnel, identical to the one he’d just been in.

_I just hope I can find my way back,_ he thought.

He kept moving, but before long, he found himself facing two tunnels splitting off in different directions.

_“Keep left,”_ Kanan said.

“You sure?” Ezra asked.

_“Trust me.”_

Ezra looked to the left, down the path Kanan was telling him to take.  Something in his gut told him to go the other way.  For a moment, Ezra stood frozen, unsure of which way to go.  He knew he had to make a choice and he had to make it fast.  Every second he stayed put was another second he was vulnerable to an attack by the spiders.  If he kept moving, he stood a better chance.  He hoped.

Ezra turned right, picking up his pace as he walked deeper into the tunnel.  He stopped in his tracks as he saw movement ahead of him.  He gasped and took a step back as a spider crawled from a deep crevice in the wall.  He felt something behind him and turned to see another spider blocking his path.  He dropped his commlink as he instinctively reached for his lightsaber only to find it gone.

_“Ezra?”_ Kanan called.  _“Ez--”_   His voice was abruptly cut off as the commlink fell to the ground, the plasteel cracking as it hit the stone.

Ezra backed up against the wall of the tunnel.  Maybe he could make it past the one behind him and run.  As the spiders closed in around him, he swore he heard distinctly human footsteps somewhere above him.

“Ezra, jump!” a voice called.  He looked up to see Kanan reaching down toward him through another hole above him.

Without even stopping to think about it, Ezra jumped, grabbing Kanan’s hand.  Kanan pulled him up, hauling him back onto solid ground.

“What are you doing in here?” Ezra asked.

“Getting you back on track,” Kanan said as he stood up, Ezra’s hand still clutched in his.  “Come on.”

As Kanan led the way through the tunnels, for a few minutes, everything was fine.  Then Ezra froze when he heard the familiar _hiss_ of the krykna.

“It’s okay,” Kanan said quietly.

As a spider crawled from around the bend ahead of them, Ezra stepped forward, putting himself between Kanan and the threat.  Kanan’s hand came down on his shoulder as if to hold him back, his other hand reaching out past Ezra, toward the spider.  Beside him, Ezra could feel Kanan’s presence in the Force like a still pool of water.  Not empty, but undisturbed and calm.  As Ezra watched, the spider stopped for a moment, then slowly moved back the way it had come.

“How did you do that?” Ezra asked, staring after the creature.  “I can't even do that.”

“Well, I’ve been forced to see things differently since Malachor,” Kanan said.

As Kanan started walking again, Ezra trailed a few steps behind him, feeling like he’d been slapped in the face.  Kanan’s words felt like something tightening around his chest, crushing him until he couldn’t breathe.

“Kanan,” he said, his voice barely audible, even in the quiet cave.  Kanan stopped and turned back to face him.

“About what happened,” Ezra said, looking down at the ground, too ashamed and scared to look at Kanan, not that Kanan could even _tell_ anymore, “I’m sorry for it.  For everything.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Kanan said.  Ezra flinched as Kanan’s hand touched his shoulder.  “I never blamed you, Ezra.  It’s time for you to forgive yourself.”

And Ezra could feel it in his bones that Kanan really, truly meant it.  He didn’t blame Ezra for it.  He never had.

“Yes, Master,” he said quietly.

Ezra felt a rush of warmth and didn’t know if it was coming from him or from Kanan, but he didn’t really care.  He threw his arms around Kanan, clinging to him tightly.  Kanan’s arms closed around Ezra, and for a moment, they just stood there, holding each other, and there was no danger looming over their heads, no threat to their family, no creatures surrounding them that could tear them apart if they felt like it.  It was just them.

But soon enough, it was over, and Ezra pulled away, quickly brushing away a few stray tears he hadn’t realized had begun to fall down his face and hoping Kanan couldn’t tell.  He stayed silent as he began to follow Kanan again, this time without the suffocating weight around his chest.  It didn’t take long before they reached a cavern filled with dozens of spiders.

Ezra stood frozen, staring into the cavern.  He could see the holocron in the center of the cluster of spiders.

“Kanan,” he said quietly.

“I know,” Kanan said, putting his hand on Ezra’s shoulder.  “It’s okay.  We can do this together.”

Following Kanan’s lead, Ezra reached out, calling the holocron toward him.  Slowly, it began to move through the air toward them.  Even as he watched the holocron float through the air, Ezra could feel something moving closer and closer behind him and Kanan.  The closer it got, the harder his heart pounded.  He leaned forward a few inches, snatching the holocron out of the air and turning around to see a spider right behind Kanan.

“Kanan!” he gasped.

“Don’t be a threat,” Kanan said, turning to face the spider, his hand still outstretched.  “Go in peace.”

Ezra shrank back against Kanan as the spider moved aside, letting them pass.  Ezra breathed a heavy sigh of relief as he and Kanan slipped past the spider and began to walk back down the tunnel the way they came.

“Told you it’d be okay,” Kanan said.

“Yeah,” Ezra said.  “You did.”

But as they kept walking, something else weighed heavily on Ezra’s mind.

“Dad,” he said quietly.  Kanan stopped short as he realized Ezra was talking to him.  “Whatever happens when we…I just wanted to say thank you.  For everything.”

“I won't let him hurt you,” Kanan said, knowing exactly what Ezra meant.

“If you have to choose between me and everyone else, choose them,” Ezra said.

“Ezra --”

“Please,” Ezra said.  He needed Kanan to understand that no matter how afraid he was, he would do whatever he had to to save the others.

“Don’t ask me to do that, Ezra,” Kanan said.

“I just did.”

“We’ll get them back,” Kanan said, putting his arm around Ezra’s shoulders and holding the boy against his side as they kept walking.  “And you’re staying right here with me.”

“Dad,” Ezra said, “I’m not saying just leave me behind.  I’m saying if you _have_ to make a choice, make sure everyone else is safe first.”

“Ezra,” Kanan said with a sigh, “I know what you’re saying, and I’ll do it.  If I have to choose, I’ll do it, but only if you promise me you’ll do whatever it takes to come home with us.”

“I promise,” Ezra said.  He wasn’t sure if Kanan meant what he’d said, but he wasn’t about to accuse Kanan of lying to him.  Not now.

“I thought you said you weren’t gonna call me ‘dad,’” Kanan said with a smile.

“In case something happens, I didn’t want to never say it,” Ezra said.

* * *

 

When Kanan and Ezra emerged from the cave, Bendu was still there, as if he was waiting to see if they would come back.

“Your conflict has ended,” he said.  “Perhaps balance is restored.”

As Ezra stooped to pick up his lightsaber from where Kanan had left it on the ground, the being’s eyes moved to the holocron still clutched in Ezra’s hand.

“Your true struggle has only begun,” Bendu said.  “The dark sider will not be able to open your Jedi holocron.  That task will fall to one of you.”

_To me,_ Ezra thought.  _He’ll want it to be me._

“So that means we’ll have the power of both holocrons, too,” he said.  If he and Kanan opened the holocrons together, they could…he wasn’t sure what they could do.  Find some way to end the war?  At least find out _if_ they won, if this fight was even worth it?

“Such power comes with a price,” Bendu said.  “Once a secret is known, it cannot be unknown.”

“We’ll do what we have to do,” Kanan said, his hand resting on Ezra’s shoulder.  “Now let’s go save our family.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse; references to past child abuse; references to past canonical character death; head injury

Ezra had driven the speeder bike as fast as it would go on the way back to the base.  As Ezra jumped into the pilot’s seat of the training A-wing, Kanan slid into the seat behind him.

“You know where you’re going?” Kanan asked.

“Yeah,” Ezra said.  “I won't forget that place anytime soon.”

Ezra fired up the engines and lifted off the planet’s surface in heavy, bitter silence, trying not to show Kanan just how much the thought of going back there was affecting him.  He didn’t know if it was affecting him in a bad way or a good way, only that the knowledge that he was about to return to the place he’d grown up made knots form in his stomach.  Those knots only pulled tighter as he made the jump into hyperspace.

“You scared?” Kanan asked.

“I don’t know,” Ezra said, and he truly didn’t.  “Maybe a little.”

“Just remember,” Kanan said, “the greatest power Maul has is our fear that he’ll hurt our friends.  We have to control that fear.”

“Don’t worry,” Ezra said, suppressing a nervous laugh.  “I’ve had plenty of practice controlling my fear around him.”

* * *

 

The ship jolted slightly as it dropped out of hyperspace.

“It’s an asteroid field,” Ezra said, unable to remember how much he’d actually told Kanan about this place.  “I’ve got to fly through it manually.”

“I guess I never realized,” Kanan said hesitantly, as if he wasn’t sure he should be bringing this up, “he taught you how to fly, didn’t he?”

“He taught me a lot of things,” Ezra said, his voice bitter.  “Doesn’t mean anything.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between them as Ezra wove his way through the asteroid field.  Soon enough, he saw it, looming ahead of them.  The crescent-shaped asteroid the old base was built into.  He didn’t see the _Ghost_ , but the old Gauntlet fighter was docked with the base.

“I never thought I’d come back here,” he muttered as he flew toward the entrance to the hangar bay.

Ezra’s heart pounded as he set the A-wing down in the hangar next to the _Ghost_.

_Control your fear,_ he told himself.

As he climbed out of the fighter’s cockpit and extended a hand to help Kanan, he heard those distinctive footsteps, metal against metal, as Maul approached.  In an instant, his fear evaporated, anger rising to take its place.

“Over here, Master Jedi,” Maul called, a mocking tone to his voice that made Ezra furious.  “Just follow the sound of my voice.”

“Easy,” Kanan said, catching Ezra’s arm as he started forward.  Ezra almost considered ignoring him, but forced himself to back down.  If he attacked Maul now, he could be putting the rest of the crew at risk.

As he and Kanan jumped down from the A-wing, Ezra looked around the hangar, searching for any sign of the other members of the crew.  They were nowhere to be seen.  Maul could be keeping them anywhere.

“Welcome home, my young apprentice,” Maul said.  “I trust you found the Sith holocron illuminating?”

“Wouldn’t know,” Ezra said, crossing his arms and glaring down at the ground, refusing to look at Maul.  “I never opened it.”

“You never were a convincing liar,” Maul said.  He turned his attention to the two droids beside him.

“Escort my apprentice to the command center,” he said.

“Kanan,” Ezra said as he began to follow the droids.  “Remember what I told you.”

“I will,” Kanan said.

“If you attempt to escape or if the droids are deactivated, your friends will die,” Maul said as Ezra walked past him.

“Good to know,” Ezra muttered, still refusing to look at his former master.

A heavy sense of dread settled over him as he was led out of the hangar and the door slid shut behind him.  Just the sound of the door closing felt so…final.

_It’s just this place,_ he told himself.  _Being here is just messing with your head._

Kanan would find the others and he would get them out.  He’d said he would choose them if he had to and Ezra had to believe he would follow through on that.

The command center wasn’t far from the hangar and they reached it quickly.  When Ezra entered the room, the droids followed him, but stayed by the door, guarding it.  Guarding _him._   Ezra wanted nothing more than to draw his lightsaber and slash them in two, but he wasn’t about to take any chances with his friends’ lives.

Ezra paced around the room, his frustration growing with every step.  This was the part he hated.  Just waiting for something to happen while he couldn’t do anything.  And even worse was that it was _here_.  He’d never thought he would come back to the base.  He’d never thought he’d have to face it again, face everything that had happened to him here, face all the heavy, complicated feelings that tangled themselves into a web in his chest.

He almost, _almost_ missed it just as much as he hated it.  Admitting it even to himself sent waves of shame crashing over him and made something grow tight in his chest, but he _did_ have good memories here, even if some of them were almost completely drowned out by the bad ones.  This was where he’d grown up from a scared, abandoned child into a warrior who dreamed of bringing the Empire crashing down around him.  It was where he’d learned to fight, learned how to survive, learned what it really meant to be what he was.  It was in this very room, seven years ago, that Maul had placed a kyber crystal into his hand and told him how to bend it to his will.

* * *

 

_As Ezra stared down at the crystal resting on his palm, it glowed with a faint red light, pulsating like a heartbeat in his hand._

_“This means something to you, doesn’t it?” Ezra asked.  He wasn’t sure if he really expected an answer.  It was more likely Maul would coldly tell him he wasn’t going to talk about it._

_“That was one of the crystals in my brother’s lightsaber,” Maul told him, his voice holding the same practiced lack of emotion that Ezra knew all too well._

_Ezra’s eyes widened a little as he looked at the stone in his hand.  He held it back out to Maul._

_“I can’t,” he said._

_Maul took Ezra’s outstretched hand and folded his fingers shut over the crystal, forcing him to hold onto it._

_“This belongs to you now,” he said, releasing Ezra’s hand.  “Or it will, once you can make it work for you.”_

_Ezra opened his hand slightly, staring at the crystal, still unsure._

_“Someone should use it,” Maul said.  “It’s only fitting that it’s you.”_

* * *

 

The door opened behind him, snapping Ezra out of his thoughts, and Maul entered the room.  He leaned down and whispered something to one of the droids that Ezra couldn’t hear and both droids left the room, leaving the two of them alone.  As Maul drew closer to him, Ezra caught sight of the object in his hand.  Kanan’s holocron.

Maul stopped, observing Ezra, who felt like he was slowly shrinking under his gaze.  Being back here, staring Maul down, he felt like he was a little kid again.

“You’ve grown since I last saw you,” Maul said.

“Don’t,” Ezra growled.  “You don’t get to talk to me like that.”

“There’s no need to act like a child, Ezra,” Maul said.

Ezra’s hand tightened around the holocron.  _Let go,_ he thought to himself.  _Control your anger.  Don’t let him bait you into doing something stupid._

“You’re angry,” Maul said.

“Of course I am,” Ezra snapped.  “You’re holding my family hostage.  You said you’d kill them if I didn’t come back.”

“I am only trying to help you,” Maul said.  “To put you back on your true path.”

“I don’t need your help,” Ezra said.  He didn’t know whether Maul really believed what he was saying or if he was just trying to manipulate him, and he didn’t care.  He was too angry to care.  “I don’t _want_ it.”

His voice cracked as he spoke, and his face burned with embarrassment.  Even more than he hated Maul himself, he hated the twisting feeling in his gut as he faced his former master again, as conflicting and confusing feelings battered against his insides.  He felt the harsh, bitter sting of betrayal and he didn’t understand why.  He felt a deep, aching sense of longing…of wishing things could have been different.  He tried to push those feelings down, to put them away.  He’d deal with them later, when he wasn’t standing face to face with the person who’d caused them in the first place.  But as hard as he tried, he couldn’t lock those feelings away, and he couldn’t lock away the rage that grew with each passing second.

“I trusted you,” he said, his voice quiet but furious.  “I was a little kid and you said you would take care of me and --”

“And I did,” Maul said, his voice equally harsh.

“You hurt me,” Ezra said.

“Only when I had to.”

“You didn’t have to!” Ezra said, his anger bursting out of him, just barely kept under his control.  “You never had to!  You did it because it was easier than acting like you cared!”

There was a sharp _crack_ as Maul struck Ezra’s face, stunning him into silence.  Maul took a step forward and Ezra backed up against the wall behind him, his breath catching in his throat as Maul towered over him.

“I did what I had to do to make you stronger,” Maul said.  “To help you unlock your potential.  The dark side shows no mercy and our power is born of pain and anger.  You know that.  Or you used to.”

“That doesn’t change what you did,” Ezra said.  “You said you’d help me and all you did was hurt me.”

“Do you think I was too hard on you?” Maul asked, his fury filling the air between them, crushing Ezra and stealing the air from his lungs.  “My master would have killed me if I was even half as disobedient and insolent as you.  I had to watch as he killed my brother and you think _I_ was cruel to you?”

“You tried to kill my father right in front of me,” Ezra growled.

“He is not your father,” Maul said.  “Your parents were murdered by the Empire and you turned your back on your chance to avenge them.”

“Don’t talk about my parents!” Ezra shouted.  His rage burst out of him again and without even thinking, he shoved through the Force, pushing Maul away from him.

He froze where he stood, staring wide-eyed at Maul, his mind a tangle of panic.  He’d just attacked Maul, and Maul could easily retaliate by hurting or killing one of the others.

“I --” his words caught in his throat.  “I didn’t mean to.  Please don’t --”

“You don’t have to worry about your friends, Ezra,” Maul said.  There was something in the way he said it that made Ezra’s heart skip a beat.  Something sinister that he couldn’t place.

“Let them go,” Ezra said.  “And then you get the holocron.”

“That isn’t how this is going to work,” Maul said harshly.  “Sit down.”

Ezra sank to the floor, trying not to let his fear show on his face as Maul sat down across from him.

“The holocron,” Maul said, holding out his hand.  Slowly, Ezra handed him the Sith holocron and a moment later, Kanan’s Jedi holocron fell into his hand.

“You were wrong about me,” Ezra said, thinking back to Maul’s words to him on Malachor.  _You have always belonged to the dark side._   “I can open this.  I wouldn’t be able to if I wasn’t a Jedi.”

“And yet you were still able to open this,” Maul said, turning the other holocron over slowly in his hand.  “It doesn’t matter how far you run or what corner of the galaxy you hide in, you can _never_ escape the dark side.  It will always be a part of you.”

As Ezra glanced down at the holocron in his hand, a new fear suddenly took hold of him.  He hadn’t opened the Jedi holocron since before Malachor, since before he’d begun to embrace the darkness again.  What if it wouldn’t open for him?  What would Maul do to him, and what would Maul do to his _family_ , if he couldn’t open it?

“I doubt you comprehend the power that is within your grasp,” Maul said.

“I know if we open these holocrons together, any question we ask will be answered,” Ezra said.  **_If_** _we can open them._

“So you do understand,” Maul said, sounding almost impressed.  “Well, my apprentice, what is your question?”

For a moment, Ezra said nothing, just stared at the holocron.

“All this power right here in your hand and you don’t even know what you want to do with it,” Maul said.

“I want to destroy the Sith,” Ezra said.  “I want all of this to be _over_.”

“I’m glad to see the Jedi hasn’t driven you away from your true path completely,” Maul said.  The way he said it, like he was actually concerned about Ezra and not about losing the person he’d twisted into his weapon, should have made Ezra furious, but instead he just felt a sinking, aching tiredness in his chest, like a heavy weight had been tied to him and was dragging him down.

“When it’s over,” Ezra said, “when we’ve won, will you let me go?”

“Let you go?” Maul repeated.  “You’re not a prisoner, Ezra.”

“Sure feels like I am,” Ezra muttered.  “But you know what I meant.”

“You belong here,” Maul said.  “With me.”

“You won't need me anymore,” Ezra said.

“It isn’t about what I need,” Maul said.  “You are my apprentice.  I won't just abandon you because I don’t need you.”

“It’s not like what your master did to you,” Ezra said.  He sighed, knowing nothing he could say right now would convince Maul.

“Let’s just get this over with," he said.

He shifted his gaze back to the holocron, honing his focus in on it.  He tried to let his mind empty, setting aside his anger.  He could deal with it later.  The holocron twitched slightly in his hand.

_Please,_ Ezra thought.  _I need you to open.  He’ll kill them if I don’t._

He pushed that fear aside, too.  It was a Jedi holocron.  He couldn’t open it by drawing on his fear and desperation.

_Just let go,_ he told himself.  His mind drew him back to the cave on Atollon.  To those few moments where it was just him and Kanan, with no sense of the danger they were facing.  And slowly, so slowly it was almost painful, everything else crashing around in Ezra’s mind faded, driven back by that feeling.  There was nothing.  No fear, no anger, no desperate need to save his family, no impulse to hurt Maul or to submit to him.  There was just him and the Force.

The holocron lifted from his hand, the corners twisting away, opening the object up.

Ezra opened his eyes to see that the Sith holocron had opened, too.  Acting as one, neither of them needing to take the lead, Ezra and Maul reached out, bringing the holocrons closer together.  Suddenly, as if drawn together by a magnet, the holocrons snapped away from their control and toward each other, the pieces twisting around and combining before a blinding white light burst from them.

Ezra stared, wide-eyed, directly ahead of him, as if something had grabbed hold of him and was forcing him to look into the light.  He wouldn’t have been able to look away if he wanted to.

The question was pulled from his mind almost involuntarily, as if the holocrons somehow knew what he wanted.  _How can I destroy the Sith?  How can I end this?_

The light didn’t fade, but images began to form inside it, or maybe just inside Ezra’s head.  They were indistinct and flashed in front of his eyes before he could fully process what they were, until suddenly, he was looking out over an endless stretch of sand.  Not like Atollon.  Brighter, harsher, emptier, and much less forgiving.  Above him, their light and heat beating down on him, were two bright, shining suns in the sky.

“Ezra!  Listen to me!  Look away!”

“Kanan?”

The sound of Kanan’s voice drew Ezra’s gaze away from the holocrons and the vision they were projecting to him.  He _knew_ he’d heard Kanan’s voice, but he couldn’t see him through the blinding light that filled the room.

“Stay focused, apprentice,” Maul said.  “Gain the knowledge you desire.”

“Remember Bendu’s warning!” Kanan called.  “Turn away before it’s too late!”

“It’s so close,” Ezra said, more to himself than to either of them.

“It’s not worth it, Ezra.  Trust me.”

He could feel Kanan drawing closer, reaching out toward him, almost pleading with him to look away.  He was so close.  He’d come this far and the answers he wanted were just out of reach…

Ezra reached out, latching onto the Jedi holocron with his mind, closing his eyes as he pulled it back toward him.  Something slammed into him, throwing him backward.  Something heavy and hard struck the back of his head and everything went dark.

* * *

 

Ezra could feel a warm, comforting presence pulling at him, like it was calling to him from the other end of a long, dark tunnel.  He followed it like a thread through a maze until he started to feel something else; someone’s hands holding onto him.  His eyes opened -- when had they closed? -- and he saw Kanan leaning over him.  Hera was beside him.  Sabine, Zeb, and Chopper were behind them, watching him.

Ezra was suddenly acutely aware of a hammering pain in his head and pressed one hand against it as he sat up.

“What --”

His gaze travelled around the room.  There was no sign of Maul.  The holocrons lay in pieces on the floor.  Hera, Sabine, Zeb, and Chopper all looked unscathed, at least at first glance.

_I see him!  I’m gonna get Ezra out!_

The words flashed to the surface of his memory and faded just as fast.

“You could see me?” Ezra asked.

“I could,” Kanan said, his hand not leaving Ezra’s shoulder.  “But only through the light of the holocrons.”

Even as dazed as he was, Ezra had to appreciate the irony of that.  The light that had temporarily blinded him had allowed Kanan to see, if only for a minute.

“Do you know what happened?” Kanan asked.

“I saw images,” Ezra said.  “Pieces of something, but I can't make sense of it.”

“What were they?”

“Places, mostly,” Ezra said.  “Planets.  Some familiar, some not.  I’m not sure what they mean.”

“I’m sure we’ll find out together,” Kanan said as he helped Ezra to his feet.  “But for now, let’s go home.”

Together, Ezra and Kanan gathered up the shattered pieces of the holocrons.  Ezra wasn’t sure if they could be repaired, but it was better than leaving them behind and taking the chance that Maul could put them to use.

When they reached the hangar again, Ezra stepped toward the A-wing, only for Kanan’s hand to close around his arm, pulling him back.

“You’ve got a concussion,” he said.

“Right,” Ezra said.

“I’ve got it,” Sabine said, quickly scaling the side of the fighter and climbing into it.

As Ezra trailed behind the others up the ramp onto the _Ghost_ , he couldn’t help but feel like something wasn’t right.  Everyone _looked_ okay.  There weren’t any visible signs that any of them were injured, but something was wrong.  As his eyes rested on Kanan again, Ezra felt something twist in his gut.

“Kanan,” he said, walking faster to catch up with him as Hera headed for the cockpit.  “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Kanan said.  “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Ezra asked.  “Something doesn’t feel right.”

He felt something in Kanan’s mind twitch, like his master was trying to hide something from him.

“What did he do to you?” Ezra asked.

Kanan sighed and turned to face Ezra.

“He tried to --”

Ezra’s hands curled into fists.  He already knew what Kanan was going to say.  Of _course_ Maul had tried to kill Kanan.  Of _course_ he wouldn’t just let them go.  Why had he believed Maul even for a second?

“I’m gonna kill him,” Ezra muttered.  “The next time he --”

“Ezra,” Kanan said, cutting him off and placing his hands on Ezra’s shoulders.  “I’m okay.  We’re all okay.  And the next time you see him, I want you to promise me you’re not gonna do anything that’ll get you hurt.”

“He could’ve killed you,” Ezra said.

“But he didn’t,” Kanan said.  “He tried, and he failed.”

“I’m sorry,” Ezra said, the weight of what had almost happened crashing down on him like rocks on his shoulders.

“This wasn’t your fault, either, Ezra,” Kanan said.  “He could’ve just let all of us go.  This was _his_ choice, not yours.  You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have left you alone with him,” Ezra said.

“You didn’t have much of a choice,” Kanan said.

He pulled Ezra close, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight.

“I’m right here,” he said.  “And I’m not going anywhere.  I promise.”


End file.
